All the Friendship
by triffickie
Summary: You're friends with Ron. It's strange how you're so similar and yet so different. So different. RonxHarry among others.


**all the friendship**  
fandom: harry potter  
rating: pg-13  
pairing: ron/harry-centric but not all that slashy, others (yeah, one of those annoying "read to find out"-type of tales)  
word count: 2,313  
disclaimer: Rowling owns, and I don't. Obviously.  
summary: _You're friends with Ron. It's strange how you're so similar and yet so different. So different._  
notes: Thanks to sioniann for the lookover. Further notes at the end of the story.

---

You meet him on a train. Officially, that is. His name is Ronald Weasley, but he says "Ron Weasley". Your name is Harry Potter.

He looks at you funny, glancing at your forehead and then he just smiles.

You eat sweets with him and it feels like you've already known him forever.

--

You also meet a girl but you don't particularly like her at first. Neither does Ron, but you figure this is because you're both eleven and at eleven girls are mostly just icky. So in the beginning, it's just you and Ron.

Just you and Ron.

--

Eventually you both learn to like Hermione. Ron argues with her a lot, but there's still a strong friendship between you, him and her. You never argue with Hermione. There's a balance. When you realise Ron really likes her and she really likes him back, you don't mind.

The hero doesn't get the girl in this story but that's okay. The first time they kiss, you're not sure how you fit in the equation, but you're sure you will. Somehow.

--

The first time you have sex with Ginny, she asks you, "Doesn't this feel weird?"

Still breathing heavily, your chest rising and dropping rapidly, you gasp, "Because of Ron?"

You love Ginny, you think, so when she opens her mouth to reply, you kiss her. That time you don't even think about Ron. For a small moment, Ron doesn't exist.

--

Ron and Hermione get married in beautiful ceremony and you stand close to the altar. You remember everything.

--

You're with Ginny. It's still slightly weird because she's your best friend's sister but that's okay. It's only sometimes that she reminds you of Ron. It works, you and Ginny, Hermione and Ron. The four of you never spend time together, though. It's not the way you thought it'd work out but some things never are.

--

You fought Voldemort with Ron but no one knows this. It was Ron's curse that killed the Dark Lord but everyone thinks it came from your wand. Ron doesn't mind. He grins at you sometimes and in that smile are all your secrets. Yours and Ron's.

Ron used to want to be famous so it's maybe a bit illogical that he doesn't want credit for killing Voldemort but you never really think about it any further.

--

Even after marriage, Ron and Hermione still fight a lot.

Because of this it doesn't strike you as odd when Ron comes to stay over at your place for a few nights and then says, over a pint of Butterbeer, "Don't talk to Hermione about me."

You're supposed to say yes but it comes out a why and Ron just shakes his head.

"Please. You don't want her to think you're choosing sides. It could lead to nasty things. Me losing her. You losing Ginny."

Then it'd just be you and Ron. It wouldn't really matter, you think. It might be nice. You like Hermione and you love Ginny, you think, but it can be complicated. Would be easier with just you and Ron.

Ron makes you promise and you promise. You swear. Ron closes his arms around you and pulls you closer. Ron whispers in your hair, "We can make it through anything."

Yes.

--

Years go by. You don't talk about Ron to Hermione and things are fine. Ginny is stressed and threatens to leave you but you talk her out of it. You don't mention Ron to Ginny, either – the topic feels fragile and you don't touch it because you figure it's a family issue, they can sort it out themselves. The more you think about it, the more it feels like no one ever talks about Ron to you.

Hermione and Ron hold a Yuletide gathering for friends and family and over a glass of eggnog, you talk to Neville. He has a wife and a huge magical garden. He asks about you.

"You and Hermione seem so happy."

"You mean Ginny," you tell him and he looks confused for a moment. _No more eggnog for you, Neville_, you think and smile.

"Ginny." He frowns as if he's trying to attach a face to the name.

"She couldn't make it tonight," you say and excuse yourself.

You grab a bite in the kitchen and Ron joins you soon after.

"Lovely chap that Neville but terrible memory." He grins at you and you nod. "You and Ginny are good, though, right?"

"Yes, we're fine." You think about Ginny's bright red hair and freckles. "Just fine."

--

You know Ron and Hermione had sex the night after the Yule party. You're not sure how you know (it's possible Ron told you – Ron tells you everything) but nine months later Hermione gives birth to a baby with dark hair.

Ginny leaves you and you can't understand why. "Figure it out," she tells you and casts a Ban Charm over you and her door. You wonder why you never moved in with Ginny, why you rarely spent any nights with her.

You tell Hermione the baby must've got the color of hair from her. She laughs. Ron laughs, too, but she just looks at you.

--

A month later you hear they named the baby James.

"I thought it'd be nice. An honor. After all, it was that night in Godric's Hollow." Hermione puts baby James in his cradle and smiles down at him.

You nod. "Yes, that was the first time you and Ron kissed, right?"

Hermione pauses, the smile almost vanishing from her face. "Ron?"

Ron's not in the room but in your head you already hear warning bells go off. You promised. You swore.

It's too late to take it back so you just vanish. Turn off.

--

Sometimes you don't feel alone inside your head. You never wonder if it's a bad thing.

--

"I hope you understand what you did," Ron says furiously the next time you see him. He's pacing your apartment and you've never seen him this angry. It almost scares you because if anything, what's important to you is that you have Ron.

"I know. I'm sorry." You let your head drop. Look like you mean it.

"It's okay. I can sort this out. You just have to promise."

His hands on your shoulders, you look at your shoes and promise. Idly you notice he's wearing the exact same pair of shoes you have on.

You say nothing. He shakes you by the shoulders. You promise again.

"It's about self-preservation," he says and you nod. You need Ron like he needs you. This is how you two function, always have.

--

Things don't change until they have to and Ginny turns up at your door step and asks you to run away with her.

"You're weird, Harry, but I love you. It's okay. Let's just go."

You can't say yes because of Ron. You tell her no but still she kisses you and after that it's difficult to just let go of her. She looks beautiful on your bed and suddenly you don't think of Ron anymore. For a long moment, you just forget he's there.

"I love you, Ginny," you whisper in her hair and you mean it.

--

"Hermione hates me," Ron tells you before you even see him come. His eyes tell you it's your fault.

"Why?"

"What the fuck do you mean, why? You know why. You're the reason she hates me. The fuck did Ginny have to come back for? Why didn't you tell her no?" 

"I did," you say and feel guilty, but are not afraid to look at Ron in the eye.

"And yet you still welcomed her in your bed. You soddin' idiot."

You're starting to feel angry yourself. "What's it got to do with you and Hermione?"

"She knows." He sounds desperate. "She knows you're cheating on her with Ginny."

"How am I cheating on her with Ginny?"

Ron laughs. "You're not that stupid, Harry, come on. Figure it out. You're the one she married."

"What are you talking about? You married Hermione."

You married Hermione. You stood right next to the altar. Godric's Hollow, where you first kissed Hermione. Ron first kissed Hermione.

Ron doesn't look at you. You look at the mirror. "I married Hermione."

"And I was doing my thing just fine until you messed it up," Ron says.

No.

"Yes," he says. "Now do you see our problem."

"Who are you," you say but it's not a question. This is Ron, after all. You know Ron. Ron's been there all along.

--

You remember the cupboard under the stairs and the way the snake talked to you that time in the zoo. You felt so alone. You knew you would always be alone, especially after Hagrid told you who you were. You were Harry Potter. Everyone knew you. And yet no one did.

You were so afraid. That is, until you met Ron. You ate sweets with Ron and did your homework with Ron and played Quidditch with Ron. Ron knew you. You would never be alone with Ron around.

You got to know Hermione but at that point, you were too far in. Ron liked Hermione and she liked Ron. You couldn't stop it. You met Ginny. You liked her and she reminded you of Ron, the red hair and the freckles and the smile. That was enough. But you couldn't stop it then, either. You told yourself she was Ron's sister to explain the similarity and ignored the fact her last name was Prewett. She was a Weasley to you. You lied to yourself but no more than Ron lied to himself.

Ginny knew you were with Hermione, of course, but she didn't care. She loved you too much. You didn't love Hermione because Ron loved Hermione so Ginny thought you'd leave Hermione eventually.

Ron would never leave Hermione so Ginny left you instead. (If there was four of you, this would all be really confusing.)

Only Ginny came back and Hermione found out.

Ron knows this because he lives in the back of your head. That feeling you had about being content in the universe, that was Ron.

Ron.

--

Ron looks at you, blue eyes threatening slits and you have to shake your head to realise those eyes are your own. Green.

"I'm not going to leave Ginny," you say because it's the only thing you know right now.

"So you want to leave Hermione? With the baby? That's cruel, Harry, the junior is already four years old."

"You got me into this mess-" you start but Ron interrupts you.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, don't forget."

I can make you go away, you think and Ron laughs.

"You know how many times I tried to make you go away?"

"I was here first," you say.

"Well, let's just see who's here last."

You watch Ron smirk in the mirror and suddenly you vanish. Turn off.

--

You know Ron left to be with Hermione and he begged until she let him in. She said nothing about Ginny but she was cold even though they had sex and then Ron left for work (you two always worked in the same office - his desk right next to yours, only now you realize there is no desk next to yours).

You stand outside of the Ministry building and you know exactly what to do.

--

As soon as Hermione opens the door, you kiss her. It feels odd, your lips fumble against hers and you know what you're doing is not right. But you have to. Have to.

She responds to your kiss, surprised but eager, because she thinks you're Ron.

You are Ron. Her Ron. You've heard her say your name out loud, but Ron never hears it. This is Ron's weak spot.

You fuck Hermione but really you're fucking with Ron's head. She doesn't love him. She loves you. (She doesn't know the difference.)

You know it's killing Ron and you know it's killing you to do this, hear her moan your name and think about James Junior, the boy with your hair and her eyes.

But you can't stop now. You never could.

--

Every morning you see Ron in the mirror and you're afraid. You're on your own again. (You need Ron like he needs you. Separately it's difficult to function.) You can't play the revenge game. Not with Ron.

You used to love Ron but he's not the most stable of side personalities one could have.

Hermione leans in to kiss you but you say, "I have to tell you something."

It would be a good time for Ron to emerge but he doesn't, just watches tears roll down Hermione's cheeks as you tell her everything. The cupboard under the stairs. Godric's Hollow. The story about the boy that wasn't.

She wants to deny it but can't. With her intelligence, she understands it, she's _almost_ seen it coming and it's that almost that kills her the most. So she just sits there, still and afraid to look at you. You tell her how Ron loved her and how you did too, but as a friend, and she looks at you and sees you're not Ron. It hurts her but that's what truth does.

Then you let Ron hold her. She's confused and just holds onto him while crying and you don't want to watch but you have to. It's the last time even though Hermione doesn't fully understand it yet. Ron holds back tears but you let them come out. He says words and she listens, and it's not your voice that comes out of your mouth and you finally understand it, too.

--

The next morning you wake up in a room above the Leaky Cauldron and realise you're alone in your head.

In that brand new feeling you stand up and look out of the window.

There's melancholy in the way you see everything, Ron's death colouring everything ahead of you, but you're meeting Ginny today so it's fine.

It's a new day, after all.

----  
_  
author's note: Yeah, Fight Club-esque. I just got this odd idea, "What if Ron was inside Harry's head?" and for that small moment I wrote the outline for this fic, it seemed to make sense. Plus I just loved that whacky what-if._

Some moments I have to credit to the genius of Chuck Palahniuk, author of the book. The "I was here first / Let's see who's here last"-dialogue is in the book. As is "She loves you. / No, she loves you. She doesn't know the difference". 


End file.
